andrew mack bautista

I have a step sister who lost her daughter in May to SIDS. She was pregnant with her second child when her daughter passed away. She went into labor saturday July 2 and lost her son to a cord accident.

I found myself Saturday morning confused once again. I can't understand why this would happen to her, 2 months to the date that she lost her first born. My heart is broken.

There comes a time when you know God does not make mistakes; however will i ever agree to that statement? As much as i want to.......

its hard!!! Rest in TOYS::: My Jay'Lyn, Sophie, and Andrew

july 29

I've been having Nightmares... I want them to stop but i know fighting this battle is not going to be easy.

Sadly but so in the past few weeks, I honestly feel like I'm closer to getting my smile back. But is that really sad? Is something wrong with that fact that I want my happy back? I want Jay'Lyn back too but reality proves thats not possible so having my happy back is the closer I can get to him.

Though these Nightmares .........these nightmares started once I started this new process....so i ask again, is there something wrong with this?

May 21, 2011

On the day some of the world believed it to be the last day of the world...i HAD a blast with my family! most of the great grandkids took our family photos then spent time with my baby sisters and cousins and mom.....really proved myself that family is what i need right now and being with them really helped my heart!!

some of my playlist

a few signs...

BLOG

This Blog is bascially for me to let some things off my chest every month on the 13th. Feel free to comment..

The Morning After..

The morning after burying Jay'Lyn's ashes I woke up feeling the best I have felt in these last past 6 months. I felt light and closer to closure; more than I ever thought possible.

Born Still but Still Born

May 14, 2011 My Family and Friends joined Myself in the burial of Jay'Lyn's ashes! It was a very short, nice and sweet memorial. I thank everyone who came out to support me.

May 13, 2011

Today marked 6 months...

6 months from the day I found out I AM a Mommy and no matter what differences I face with my self because I did not know I was pregnant...I know I AM Jay'Lyns Mommy! For Ever.

I am burying his Ashes tomorrow..May 14, 2011 @2pm: I am having mixed feelings about parting with his ashes. I had them for awhile now in my room and I felt a bond knowing he was close. However; would I ever be ready? No. Laying his ashes to rest would bring my heart closer to closure and his soul closer to peace. So I can definitely do this. I am strong...and closure is possible!

Month 1 of New Blog

November 12, 2010 two major things happened to me! I learned I was full term pregnant and going into labor at the same time I was told the baby in my womb was not alive any longer. My son Jay'Lyn survived for 35 weeks in my womb without the knowledge from myself that I was pregnant and had been suffering from Preeclampsia. November 13, 2010 Going into the 40th week, a miracle happened in my body when my water broke and I gave vaginal delivery w/o surgery to my still born baby.

Suffering from Preeclampsia for almost 9 months and never knowing, means my body was completely out of wack. Once I had labor, I fought for my own life for days, it took many blessings and a great medical team but my blood pressure finally lowered and I was on the road to recovery. Health Wise that is.....................

Question is how do I mentally recovery from this hour in my life?